Last night I started singing

Last night i started singing…

I had acupuncture that afternoon and during it she mentioned that on my pulse it seemed like there was an emotion or part of me that was in hiding. I kinda wasn’t sure what she meant at the time. But I think i’ve worked it out.

Last night when i was cooking dinner I started singing. It felt good. It sounded good. And I realised it has been a long time since I’ve sung.

I’ve been singing pretty much since i started talking. My plunket book even has mention of me singing at the piano when i was a toddler. I’ve been singing up the front at church since I was 3, and regularly leading worship since i was 13. I was in multiple choirs and the musical when i was at school, and a founding member of the Christchurch Pops Choir (now Vocal collective).

However i haven’t sung in church in at least 8 years. Dave my husband plays volleyball on the night practice is on so I can’t go out unless we were to get a babysitter. When Benny was teeny i would hum and sing to him, but when we got him home from NICU he seemed pretty sensitive to noises so music wasn’t played around the house much. Once he was talking, whenever I started singing he would tell me to stop singing (which he did again last night). So I’ve gotten into the habit of not having music on round the house much. And I’m often listening to podcasts in the car and when out walking these days.

But lately I’ve really started missing it. Something in me is crying out for music to be released again. I know it’ll take some intentional changes to bring music into my life, but hopefully through that music can start coming out of it too! It is a part of who I am. A part that has been neglected too long. I don’t want to make myself smaller, make myself less for the comfort of someone else any more, no matter how much i love them. I’ve done i before and it really doesn’t end well. I want to shine again. To let my heart song be heard again. So today I put the Disney Hits playlist on Spotify and started listening. It wasn’t long before I was singing, and even dancing. Benny has told me many times to stop singing. He has tried to put his hand over my mouth to stop me. He has asked to watch TV instead, but I’m standing strong. This is too important to me to let me squash it again. There is peace in my soul today. I’m grateful!

Is there part of you that you’re making smaller for the comfort of someone else, but losing something of yourself in the process? Is there a part of you that is longing to be brought back to life? I’d love to chat. I love helping people shine!!